Here's the deal. I've been single since time immemorial. So, in an attempt to remedy my eternal singledom, and to get over my nauseatingly pathological fear of dates, I've decided to challenge myself. The challenge? To go on one first date a week for a year! So in 52 weeks time, I will have either found my Mr Right, or I'll stay forever Miss Write. This is what happens...


The Rules

Here are the rules to the 52 First Dates challenge...

1. A first date must be had once a week, EVERY week, for 52 weeks.

2. Taking someone home after a drunken night on the cider does NOT count, otherwise this challenge would just be slutty, and none of us want that do we?!?

3. Second and third dates are allowed, I must continue first dates unless there are exceptional mitigating circumstances. For example, God forbid, the start of a relationship.

4. Each date must be blogged.

11 March 2012

Update on Mr #39

Howdy folks. Well, I think we all know how great I thought Mr #39 from last week was, and how much I was looking forward to meeting him again this weekend. So, rather than include this in a future post affecting another future date, I thought I'd let you all know how it went, as so many of you were kindly rooting for me.

Well...

I didn't meet him.

Why I hear you ask, since it went so well?

Beats me.

Since the date, there had been a couple of text messages, but all of my own instigation. He clearly wasn't a boy to banter, which is fair enough, as at least we'd have this Saturday to re-banter. But earlier in the week, I got a funny feeling that perhaps I had maybe got my hopes up a little too much too soon, which were further confirmed when I casually enquired if we were still on for Saturday, and I was met with radio silence. That old chestnut...

From past experience, I have learnt that when men don't want to reply to a message, ie to let you down or whatever, they opt to ignore you instead and hope that you just disappear. Why do they do that? It's not only hideously obvious, it's unbelievably childish and rude. I wasn't going to disappear that easily. We had a lovely evening on the date, got on really well, and heck, I'd given up a whole Saturday day and night for this date #2, so I needed to know what was going on. That's only polite isn't it?

So late on Friday, I casually asked again as to whether we were meeting up, because if not, I needed to make alternative plans. Pretty swiftly he replied to apologise for the delay, but he'd been waiting to see if his dad was coming to London. As he was, he decided to cancel our date. It seems I'd inadvertently given him a get out clause, and there was no mention of rescheduling.

Game over.

I have no idea if his father was a genuine reason or not, I suspect that actually he's been going on other dates and found some younger, thinner, hotter models in place of yours truly, and you know what, I'm actually fine with that. Internet dating is ruthless. He could've dealt with things more tactfully, but I blame the Y chromosome for that. But I suppose what I'm not fine with is the fact that I had such a lovely evening with someone who couldn't have been more keen in person, and I foolishly let myself get my hopes up. And that is absolutely my fault rather than his. Perhaps it's because for the first time since starting 52 First Dates that I genuinely met someone that I felt a funny little spark with, and with that glimmering away in my sub-conscious, I let myself see beyond that one date and the chance that I might be able to quit 52 First Dates while I was ahead.

The world of internet dating really is a cut-throat one, and although I've known that for a while, I've not really experienced the wrong end of it yet. And bitter disappointment stings. Since I've been on 39 dates, I think I've been pretty bloody lucky. Everyone gets crushed romantically every now and again, some more than others, and of course it was always going to be on the cards for me sooner or later in going on so many dates. Hell, I'm surprised it hasn't happened more often! I won't lie, it didn't feel very nice, and of course I dealt with it in phenomenally mature style by getting embarrassingly wrecked. Funny how a skinful of Sauvignon Blanc takes the edge off, although I wouldn't recommend it, my hangover was brutal. But you know what? I'm a big girl, and I just need to suck it up, slap a grin on it and get back in the game. It was just one date, albeit a really good one. But there'll be more. Not everyone will want to see me again, just as I don't always want to see them again, so I just need to deal with it.

So the moral of the story is just to keep calm, and carry on dating.

...and I don't care what anyone else says, drowning one's sorrows does help.

18 comments:

  1. Aw, so disappointed for you! It was all looking so promising but I guess you just never know. People are strange. Hope Mr #40 is awesome!

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  2. I never understand why guys do that, it's so rude! Better off without him I reckon. Next!

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  3. He's a fucking dickwad CTS, you deserve better but that doesn't make the cut any less deep.

    Don't lose faith, we're all with you xxx

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  4. His loss, not yours. Onwards and upwards lady.

    Em x

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  5. Such a shame, really thought that one was a goer! Idiot men, honestly, who can say what goes through their minds?!

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  6. gutted, on to number 40! :)

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  7. Idiot guy! anyways there are so many guys out there. try and try. :D

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  8. Ahh, so No. 39 is now residing in the Island of Lost Men, the location of many of my lost causes, I mean men...
    Ah well, it sucks ass when you are flying high on the euphoria of a good date and then they send you crashing down into the dark tunnel of despair.
    But somehow as Bon Jovi advised we have to, Keep The Fatih. x

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  9. :( whata jerk sorry to hear, at least you have many more dates to have fun on.

    Holly

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  10. Aww totally gutted for you. Why do men build up hopes ! But keep looking you deserve someone who will reply and mean what they say
    Good Luck x

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  11. Thanks guys. Seriously, you're all ace. I should continue blogging forever and ever so whenever I get dumped there's a whole bunch of virtual folk online to scoop me up and make me feel all better again. Thank you. CTS x

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  12. Has happened to me so many times, I have been matching you date for date practically in the aim of hopefully finding a boyfriend. So many times I have got to date two to be ignored by date three :) men unfathomable!

    So disappointed for you.

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    1. I have had exactly the same experience so many times too. I just can't understand why internet dating is like this. You have so much in common with the guys you meet and they just move onto the next date without either of you really getting the chance to know each other. How does this logic work? So much time is wasted! Surely love at first sight is just in fairy tales in real life it has to grow over time and with the delevopement of mutual friends and relationships (which aren't there to start with when you meet on line). Good luck and thanks for all the reassurance that I am not the only one going through this.

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  13. ahhh, I hear ya. The cry of "WHY WHY WHY" of the single girl.
    A salutary lesson I have learned is to not let my imagination walk away with me.
    better to know now than a few dates (months, years in).
    Beware the man too enthusiastic, or beware if you are too enthusiastic - this is what I have learned.
    hugs.
    sassycil from australia

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  14. What a twat.
    Here's hoping #40 is a good 'un - Jeeeeeeez, 40! Where did this number creep from? They're flying by!

    Lucy x

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    1. Gah, thats a shame it didn't work out. Boys are indeed rubbish sometimes. I've been lurking here and reading for a while and have since become totally addicted to reading your lovely blog! I told one of my friends about the catfish debacle and now she reads too :-) its good to hear about your experiences as I too am trying the world of internet dating. It makes me feel better to know its not just me that has awkward, unfulfilling, sometimes just plain weird encounters with the opposite sex. And some lovely ones too of course, though like you mine haven't lead anywhere yet! If only it could just be like this http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1353/

      Thanks for writing such an awesome blog and keep up the good work! (though not for too long! We all want to see you get together with a lovely man some day!)

      Xx

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  15. Hi, the same thing happened to me recently. Et ça continue..

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  16. The same thing happened to me, and I was gutted. I sometimes think that he might get in touch, but then again I don't think I would meet up with him because he didn't put any effort in. You just have to think that it wasn't meant to be, and you deserve someone who will be in 100%.
    Love your blog btw, as I am in the same situation so it's nice to know other people are going through the same dilemmas.

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Thanks for reading 52 First Dates! And thanks even more for commenting!

Read some of the emails that didn't make it to the real life date stage...